Please fasten your seat belts and let us do what we want

The shit about traveling is well, traveling. I went to Madrid this weekend and had to relive the hell that is airport and airline security. There are a bunch of migraine inducing aspects of traveling but these are my top three.

Issue number one: no liquids. Seriously, if someone wanted to arm a bomb on a plane they wouldn't put their explosives in the form of liquids in 3 ounce containers in a clear zip lock bag that measures EXACTLY 7.5 by 8 inches. What if they team up with other passengers? What if 20 people are in on it? Exactly how much liquid explosive must one have to be considered a threat?

While waiting in line to pass through security you are often harassed by the power-tripped fat airport security guards in a loud annoying voice: "Any liquids, gels or creams?". They sound like they're asking if you have crack. I had lip gloss in my pocket and a tube of mascara in my bag and didn't say anything and passed through clear and free. I know what you're thinking... rebel.

And come on, why sell water at the airport that you can't bring on board? I remember reading an article a million years ago where Cindy Crawford advised drinking lots of water on board to maintain fresh, hydrated skin. Then she went on to describe her favorite lip balms and hand creams she used while in the air. No wonder everyone looks like shit when they travel now, especially on long trips. Not only can you not bring your own water, but the steward snares at you if you ask for a refill on your already tiny (and ironically) 3 ounce cup. 

Issue number two: removing your shoes. I understand the logistics of this, I really do, but I think its a bit over the top. It all started about 6 years ago when this guy tried to detonate a bomb aboard an American Airlines flight where the explosives were stuffed in his shoes. So if the purpose of scanning shoes is to detect hidden material, then why am I asked to take my shoes off when I am wearing flip flops? And what's to prevent anyone from stuffing said explosive material anywhere else other than a shoe? 

I think there should be one big x-ray machine that's like a big screen you have to walk behind and it shows only guns, explosives and human bones. Oh, and the damn zip-locked liquids. It would make traffic go smoothly and you don't get airport goo on your socks while people pass one by one in a sometimes dubious metal detector. I once witnessed about 20 people go through a detector that wasn't even turned on.

And last but definitely not least in my list of top annoyances of traveling: lost luggage. How does luggage get lost? You check it at the counter and they put it in with all the others that magically make it to the final destination. I am not talking about connecting flights... I mean good ol' straight forward one way deals. I have a theory: I think airlines get paid to charter stuff so they sacrifice people's luggage in order to get the goods that the other client is paying for on time. So you, the official client who paid a ridiculous amount of money to travel, can't even brush your teeth when you get to wherever you're going. 

I think we, the frustrated travelers of the world, should unite in a protest against the abusive airlines that keep treating us all like shit and losing our stuff... ooooooor we can continue to be lazy and just deal with it when we travel. I know I'm not getting off my ass, but at least I'll write about it!